感觉自己像个苯环。⌬ (千字英文意识流

I don’t know why, but I’m feeling down for the whole week. Just nothing gets me up, and I have no idea what’s making me feel like this. I tried to listen to music, play games, watch stuff, natch. Maybe it’s that I keep my homework not done until the next minute. Maybe it’s that I’m afraid of failing more courses from bad marks again. Maybe it’s me sleeping late every night. Maybe it’s that I can’t make the bedbugs go away on myself and my landlord won’t cooperate. Maybe I just don’t like the landlord because the cleaning lady rants to me every time we meet. Maybe it’s that there’s just not any space to fit my books and computer. I want a better desk, but I don’ t know how to deal with the original one. I want a fursuit too. Feeling fursuit deficient like Da-Fox did. Definitely not depressed because Da-Fox is moving back to Quebec, but I’ll miss him. Because I only know that today, and I’ve been down for the whole week. Maybe I’m just hinting to myself after having seen that “Clinically Depressed Robot” DnD 3.5 homebrew feat. I feel like tacos. Or maybe a benzene ring. The robot, of course, was Marvin, the paranoid Android. I had realized that I have bedbugs for almost two months now, but no way… the exterminator only came once. Sure, I’m responsible to keep the place clean… but I’m not responsible for the bedbugs. I mean, who would wash all their clothes, every day? That’s going to put a dent in their living expenses. They seem to have been gone now, but you know… the eggs are kinda hard to spot. If killing bedbugs were so simple, would I ask for a exterminator? Why can’t I have raccoons as pe(s)ts? And what kind of lame exterminator misses one corner of the bed and inside of the mattress? And I can’t hire my own exterminator either. I would if I could… I’m so going to move out. But I can’t leave a bedbug-infested room to someone else.

… watching FursuitTV with a clip of Ottawa fursuiters back from 2008. So want a fursuit! But my fursona’s kinda boring… how can I make it attractive? Someone’s selling a raccoon fursuit on FurBid too. Very cute! But not quite my style. And I’m not sure about playing a character that is a carbon copy of someone else’s fursona… I’m not even sure I’m able to afford a fursuit. Sigh, no job… What am I good for? I can’t speak French or Japanese. I can’t code. Well, I can, but I have no experience. And I wouldn’t want to work on a project that is proprietary unless it’s my project… And I have no time. No time as in, I spend all my time online. Need to be able to plan and prioritize! And maybe say no? Have too much hobbies. Argh! Forum, FurAffinity/DeviantArt, IRC (6 channels), coding, drawing, flipping through YouTube, SecondLife, Twitter/Identica, writing blogs, and the occasional homework. And WikiFur too! And I’m supposed to put all my time to all of them… I can speak Chinese and English. But being able to speak Chinese does… well, if I go to take a job in calling people, they are looking for people who speak Mandarin Chinese. Cool! A foreigner working in China will need to have skills that are unique… that Chinese citizens can’t compete. I have no unique skills… Everything I do, somebody does it better than me. But nobody does all the things I do. Really, have you heard of someone who speaks English and Chinese and interested in Japanese, internationalization and localization, user experience, game design, draws stuff, pretends to be a cat in his spare time, typography, mascot costume creation and performing, and learns the theories of computing for a profession? Not that I like mathematics.

Maybe I worry too much about my fursona being boring. Lots of fursuits are plain too. Simple ideas executes perfectly is still perfect idea. And the performer is more important than the suit. Of course, cheap suits are often performed by untrained actors… like that random chicken that wasn’t expecting another mascot to show up. Nyahaha! “What’s with the raccoons?” Indeed.

What kind of personality should I have in suit? Or maybe, what kind of personality would I have in suit? Maybe I would need a character to act as (unbelievingly). Or maybe I would put on my head and immediately behave silly. No way to know without trying!

Kakurady’s modus operandi is stylishly cute. Shota! Of course. But also urban style. Zeitgeist. Probably not the type to pantomine, but use exaggerated gestures instead.

… Want so say something poetic here, but run out of words. Bah, never good with writing. Rather impressed that SPark writes good stories in addition of making fusuits. Totally not what she studied in postsecondary education, ha. “I like that YinWolf girl, she makes Deoge’s costume and doesn’t afraid of anything.”

Oro said I’m his only fan! Yay! But I can’t fan over nothing… maybe a good idea to commission a Baren Warvarrl fursuit. That sounds like a good idea!

And yeah, there’s somebody who would commission transformation stories… I almost believed they were real. Sadly when I woke up I’m not a kitty. Maybe I need to concentrate more?

Kagerow Yotsuba tweeted a app that tests what’s the highest pitch you can hear. But my computer refuses to play sounds higher than 20500Hz…

I would certainly be excited if I woke up as a kitty. Even a plain gray one. So with a gray fursuit maybe I could pretend… Maybe wasn’t that bad at all.

Next time I’m doing this I should announce my intentions of each paragraph I write… almost 1000 words now. At first I just want to get ideas out of my system, but ended up aiming for words. Translating this would be a daunting task though.

Touhou charaters in Rhythem Heaven.

Rant over…

… that’s a cute raccoon fursuit. I love the ringtails! Red panda and Tanuki too. Foxes and squirrels. Bunny! Cute doggies are okay, but not a wolf. Otters are fine too. I really have no idea what catches my fancy. If somebody asks what would you be if you can be an animal… I won’t be sure.

… Zigzaggon? Luxray? Lynx are cute too. Heh. Back then I was a fan of Lion King too. Tigers are no thanks because they are about to extinct. How sad…

What makes them cute? A good question for another day. Why do I like Jai Dingo so much? But that’s not for today. I can’t draw doggies. Today it’s sleep time.

Molecules with benzene rings in them tend to smell nice. So will I.